Thursday, December 17, 2009

Chronicles of the wide eyed girl

All those times when I saw plays and thought about my big Broadway dream, I could never really figure how close would I actually get to living that one up. So let me start from the scratch, I was not what you would ordinarily expect from a girl who was passionate about acting to be like. Lets break the "Oooh I want to be an actress when I grow up" stereotype, shall we. Undeniably, I had my share of stand tall(but of course! I was wearing my mom's stilettos), wear mother's red lipstick and spritz her perfume and stare at my image, posing in the mirror for hours, phase. But I NEVER wanted to be an 'actress' when I grew up.I had a panache for acting from the time I was very little, or at least I think :) "The quality of mercy is not strained. It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven."It was not exactly a colossal feat playing Portia from Merchant of Venice I would say, as much as it was to have played her in Class 4.
The wide-eyed girl weaved a parallel world full of plays and Broadways for herself. The dreams got bigger and shinier. With every performance. With every compliment. I almost felt my acting prowess in me :)
Stage II of this big wonderful dream: This is when the bubble bursts. That is how the cookie crumbles. Law School happened to me. Suddenly the wide eyed girl peddling her plays and scripts recoiled. Not for long, though. Like they say (or do they not?) that don't find your dreams, let the dreams find you. And so it happened.
You know how the processes of familiarization and socialization work, right? In law school, its quite like the plonk-your-posterior-on-the-couch syndrome(I came up with that). When you are new and unaccustomed, you are uneasy. Extremely. (You're surrounded by every specie of nerds there ever was, what the hell were you expecting.) And soon, you find 'your spot'. It is this nice cushy-jammy place. Comfortable. Extremely. Your posterior fits that spot on the couch just right. Read:you know where you stand and you have made your peace with that. And in my case, I found that I could, almost like an intrinsic instinct find theatre back into my life. Of course it came with all those practices at ungodly hours(Yes, we practice at 6 in the morning).There is more a possibility of the security guy who sits at the college gate of being late, than there is of our practices beginning late(Or thats how it was initially :) ).
And you know what, the dreams are just getting bigger. The theatre accomplishments in my journey so far make me happy, sure. But I get this tingling feel that this is not the end.Not so soon. The wide eyed girl has a lot of stories to tell and to act. Reveries plentiful in her backpack. All the woolgathering is a little too much, you'd say. I think so too. But its funny how when you try really hard, you cannot ever for the life of you figure out what life has planned for you. But when you are not trying all that hard, you see a pattern.
I see that pattern and hence I tell you. I will somehow find myself in a Broadway play. I mean I should, right? The musical sorts. I like musicals. And when that happens, I will find myself sitting all alone in the theater, just a day before the play kicks off, thinking about this day when the wide eyed girl, 20 something, hair hastily twisted up right at the top of her head, sat in front of her laptop screen typing all this out, watching the dream unfold in her head as she wrote.
The wide eyed girl and her phantasm live on.

4 comments:

joel-on-ice said...

I like the way you think...and lets agree to disagree on the dreams finding you bit...i think of it in a different way...our dreams evolve as we do..but they never really change all that much...scratch the surface and you'll still find the common thread...being happy..content..only the means to this end may change...

having said that...I love being a kid...and i hope to remain one for ever...even if life tends to get in the way...
so...dream on, little girl! and keep writing! and I am hoping to see you act too...

Lost X said...

"Three Thousand Ducats,well?".... that was my first line onstage circa 2002-03, i was 14, playing shylock and i felt that magic which you obviously felt... unfortunately enough for me it died and so did a lot of other passions (violin, being the biggest one)(yes i can play the violin)....
Thank god yours didnt... Im very proud of the fact that you showed some gonads and stuck to your dream in this atmosphere where dreams have come to die... but dont let those dreams go away, chase them for as long as you can otherwise they may stop looking for you...
You have a talent and a gift and most of all, you have the best attitude for maximising that gift and that is the going to be the most important thing when push will come to shove...dont lose touch with that little girl who stood in front of the mirror in her moms makeup and shoes and dreamed, cause that little girl will forever be the best part of you...
I know im gonna see you act more and i know you'll keep on topping yourself. I'll make sure i buy a ticket for the front row when your show opens on Broadway.
So garfield, keep on acting and keep on writing, you have a true knack for it...
Here's looking at you kid!

Sharanyaa said...

The only broadway musical I saw was phenomenal. Looking forward to watching you playing a part alongside jude law.. [he was walking outside a theatre for a play he'd acted in, not musical].
Talent is overrated, passion and hard work is all you've got.
And shreya kalra waking up at 6 in the morning, THAT'S passion...

ankita said...

You were always my nautanki! :D and acting is the one thing u've always been passionate about.. i mean.. you getting up at 6! without me having to deal with the alarm! :D